Recently in Who Am I, Really? Category

Are you looking for "love" and can never seem to find it? Do you find your self in relationships where you don't receive the "love" you give. Are you or have you been in relationhsips where you fear being left alone? Do you feel that you "need" to be in a relationship? Do you lose your sense of self when you are in a relationship? You may be a Love Addict. Pia Mellody, in her book "Facing Love Addiction" characterizes the behavioral symptoms of a Love Addict:

1. Love Addicts assign a disproportionate amount of time, attention and
"value above themselves" to the person to Whom they are addicted,
and this focus often has an obsessive quality about it.

2. Love Addicts have unealistic expectations for unconditional positive regard
from the other person in the relationship.

3. Love Addicts neglect to care for or value themselves while they are in a
relationship.

Sojourner Truth uttered those famous words as a declaration of her humanity and womanhood during a women’s suffrage convention in 1851. As I look around, seeing the way many women dress, the short skirts, tight pants, the protruding breasts. I wonder, is this today’s definition of womanhood? I am because of physiology? Is bodily exposure a measure of femininity or does a double D cup make you more an example of womanhood than a B cup?

Our definitions of woman and manhood, for that matter, are formed initially by our caregivers, and then augmented by social influences, which unfortunately, for the most part, hinder many of our relationships and how we determine who we really are. It is important to recognize this societal imprint and become conscious of it.

Who defines you, your man, your children, a group of men on Madison Avenue , a rap video? Are you what you wear or what you do? Where do these current aberrations of womanhood come from? I’m sure, what I see around me is initially not a woman’s concept, but a concept deeply imprinted upon women. Now, don’t get me wrong, I definitely can appreciate a beautiful, well put together woman. And, having been a breast fed baby, I DO have a certain fascination for that part of the female anatomy. But, a woman is more than her body parts, and ultimately my attraction is more than skin deep.

In service of the egoic self, we may very often find ourselves contributing through self delusion, adulation, declarations, etc.,to induce a sense of importance and superiority.

The ego out of control demands recongition. In our pursuit of spiritual growth,we may renounce certains behaviors, attitudes, ideologies etc.,in an attempt to depart from our egoic selves, and sometimes in that act, we develop larger egos, supported by a sense of superiority, because of the higher than thou path we delude ourselves into taking.

What is maleness, masculinity, manhood? Is it as real as the last James Bond movie? Are we striving to achieve a media projection that has no basis in reality? Do we live for the next conquest and just ride into the sunset or is manhood a living, breathing, feeling entity. What concept do we try to live and bring into our relationships? Do you know?

I believe the process of self examination is aided by and through our relationships. It is through our relationships, that we continue to define who we are. Everything that we know and experience about ourselves, we understand within the context that is created by our relationships.

In this relative experience, I can only be who I am in relationship to something else in my experience. I can't experience the "I am" except in relationship to something else. This includes relationship with people, places and things..
So I think that not only do we know ourselves out of relationships, but we define ourselves as well.