Can You Really Talk About Sex?

Can/do you and your partner openly discuss your sexual likes and dislikes? Can your partner tell you "baby you're not hitting it?" Do you respond with "show me where it's at" or is your ego crushed and you emotionally withdraw?

Can you talk to your partner about using sex toys? Would your male ego be crushed if your partner told you she used a vibrator and enjoyed it? Have you and your partner ever masturbated together or helped each other masturbate? Can you even comfortably talk about it? Oral sex--can you talk about it? Anal sex--can you talk about it, without your partner condemning you to hell!?

What is Sexual Intimacy?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating any particular sexual behavior. What I am advocating is the necessity of two individuals in a relationship communicating openly, without malice, regarding what they want and don't want. Open communication is the prelude to real intimacy, and real intimacy is more than just the physical. It's revealing who you really are to each other. So, if you ain't doing it here, chances are you ain't doing it in other areas as well! In other words, it's not uncommon for the lack of communication regarding sex to be the tip of the iceberg regarding other unresolved issues in the relationship.

What's you opinion? The FLOW WANTS TO KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s often projected in the media that for women to understand men is the key to finding and keeping a partner. Whether you are a man from Mars or women trying to think like a man, looking at the current relationship landscape, do these abstractions really lead to meaningful connections?

The subtext of this line of thought is often that women must cater to or adapt to the way men behave or think, becoming objects in need of fixing in the service of men. But really, do men have any more useful relationships strategies than women?

Join The FLOW and FLOW panelists, Deborah Cofer author of If He's "Hooked on P_ _ _ _ " Buy him a cat...: The Spiritual Rules for Dating, Relating, and Mating! Robert Gardner, author of The Choices We Make on Heart of the Matter, the Relationships Magazine on Sunday, December 6th at 6PM.

In our rush into a relationship, too many believe that sex is the gateway to intimacy and miss the opportunity to develop a real friendship, the starting point of healthy relationships. Have we been duped into believing that sex is the pathway to true love or is it? Do our expectations regarding sex get in the way of really getting to know the other person or is it all self gratification?

Sex in a new relationship is really about how we define ourselves and what behaviors we bring into relationships. These behaviors can be the result of upbringing, religious beliefs, cultural traditions, and past experiences, neither of which authentically define who we are, and impede meaningfulness and real intimacy.

When to Give it Up is an important conversation regarding the underlying reasoning behind our behaviors that fail to take us were WE SAY we wish to go in our relationships. So, the question is not only When To Give It UP but Why Are You Giving It UP? Are we both the victims and perpetrators of a faulty frame of reference.

Most parents have hopeful dreams of raising their children to be independent, healthy and successful adults. However, looking at the current relationship landscape with its pervasive emotional and sexual abuse, domestic violence, and male domination and control, begs the question as to why have so many parents and caregivers have been so unsuccessful in translating their visions into healthy, self affirming realities for our girl children? How much of our girl children’s relationship choices are influenced by the emotional environment created by their parents and caregivers? How do parents and the quality of their relationships impact a young girl’s resultant definitions of womanhood, masculinity, self esteem and intimacy?

How many of these women are trying to make up for the neglect, absence, or abuse of their parents, experienced as children in their current romantic relationships? What can we do to assist our girls, the women of our collective futures, who will be partners, wives and mothers and who again replicate, in subsequent lives, what they, in turn have been taught by experience and example?

Join The FLOW and guests Yasmin Shiraz, author and lecturer of the issues regarding girls and young women, and Ernestine Heldring of Scenarios USA, a nonprofit organization that that uses writing and film making to foster youth leadership, advocacy and self-expression in under-served teens as we explore Preparing Our girls for Healthy Relationships on Heart of the Matter, the Relationships Magazine on Sunday, November 22nd at 6PM.

Since 2005, The FLOW(For Love Of The World)has presented a unique dialogue with topics such as "Why Men Fear Love & Committment"; "Sex, Religion & Spirituality"; " Are You Ready For a Relationship?"; etc. The FLOW was developed by Angelo Hunt, Roy Frank and Marc Collins to promote a constructive dialogue between men and women regarding relationships. Flow forums provide a venue where fundamental relationship issues are discussed that go beyond "baby momma drama" so prevalent in the media. Most recently, The FLOW has aired Heart of the Matter, The Relationship Magazine on Blogtalk Internet Radio

• The Prime Relationship is with yourself! Having a healthy, loving relationship with yourself is a key to successful relationships.
• We are complete within ourselves. Relationships should enhance who we are not complete us.
• Relationships are experiences that allow us to grow and redefine ourselves, if we choose.
• We are responsible for our choices and consequently our relationship outcomes.

From the dialogue initiated by three men, The FLOW has evolved into a process, an exploration, an interchange of ideas and feelings regarding relationship fundamentals. In The FLOW we seek to go beyond the assumptions, traditions, gender roles, and socially defined frames of reference that get in the way of meaningful relationships.

What is The FLOW? Check Us Out!

]]> http://www.flow4theworld.com/2009/11/get_into_the_flow_1.html http://www.flow4theworld.com/2009/11/get_into_the_flow_1.html In The FLOW committment communcation dating gender issues love marriage masculinity relationships Tue, 10 Nov 2009 10:24:09 -0500

What is Fatherhood? Is it a role, a frame of reference, a behavior, or just a set of socially sanctioned activities? At one time fathering meant being a good provider, not a nurturer or a homemaker. Today the role of a father has greatly expanded? Has it evolved to reflect who we are as a human being as opposed to a narrowly defined behavior? Is fatherhood something innate to men or a process to be understood, and developed based upon our own personal histories? Is being a “good” father different than being a good person? Do all men have the qualities to be “good” or more importantly healthy father?

We often hear about the value of fatherhood. Is it more than just being present in the home? How essential are father’s as opposed to having a healthy home environment and caregivers? Are there unique values and frames of reference that fathers should pass on to their progeny and children they care for. Fatherhood does not exist in a vacuum. It cannot fully examined without considering the mother or her absence and how society impacts the father role.Fathers are often the role models for love & intimacy, masculinity, gender equality, the treatment of women, etc. What’s the impact of all this for home, family and society?

Join The FLOW, guests and callers on Heart of the Matter, The Relatiionship Magazine, www.blogtalkradio.com/the-flow on November 15th at 6PM where we will explore the multi-demensions of fatherhood. Please share your comments here or send The FLOW email at flow4theworld@verizon.net and of course, join us on Heart of the Matter.

Robert T. Gardner Jr. is the author of The Choices We Make, a book about how our choices can foster or impede healthy loving. Robert has been a FLOW Harlem Book Fair panelist and a guest on Heart of the Matter, The FLOW’s internet radio magazine. In The FLOW we have often stated that it is not uncommon for individuals to be in a relationship that have nothing really to do with their partners. It’s all about need fulfillment. And, most importantly, the beginning of any relationship begins with your relationship with yourself. What folks call love often has nothing to do with giving and receiving healthy, self affirming love, again it’s all about need fulfillment.

Relationship Sins: A relationship sin is the thing you do with or for another person that you know is not good for you. It is when you know to do better and you do something to make somebody else happy, but you hurt yourself in the process. There is a list of relationship sins listed below. Be mindful that there are many relationship sins that we commit. However, I thought the list below was appropriate for this book. If you know of other relationship sins, please add them to this list.

Terrence Dean is an openly gay man and author of Hiding in Hip Hop: On the Down Low in the Entertainment Industry--from Music to Hollywood. Terrance, along with Lisa Durden, producer of the documentary film Project Wow: A Look Into The Lives Of Men On The Down Low were guests on Heart of the Matter, The FLOW's internet radio relatationship magazine. The topic was the Down Low, see posting below "What is the Down Low or listen to the show at www.blogtalkradio.com/the-flow. Terrance has written a follwup to our internet radio conversation. The FLOW wants to hear your opinions. This conversation will continue.

The term “down low” has been surfacing throughout the black community for almost ten years. It has come to define black men who are married or have girlfriends and secretly have sex with other men. Actually, down low is a term that describes any man, or woman, who secretly steps out on their partner to engage in a relationship with another person, be it male or female. But, why is it the term down low seems to only apply to black men who secretly have sex with other black men?

Sex and its relationship to a meaningful spiritual life is a topic largely ignored, greatly disparaged by organized religion, and largely misrepresented in the media and society. Nonetheless, this disconnection is a burning issue that exists just below the surface of our consciousness, confronting us all, whether religious, spiritual, or unbeliever.

We live in a society where we are bombarded by sex and, unfortunately, religion has failed to put sexuality in any useful context (outside of marriage and procreation), while our communities and societies are ravaged by AIDS, unwanted pregnancies and widespread sexual abuse and dysfunction. The media has taken the sexual disconnect created by religion and has made it a psychologically loaded abstraction and absurdity. Sexuality has been reduced to body parts and sexual acts.

The tragedy of this is that many apply these media induced frames of reference to their lives and relationships which has resulted in the sexual pathology that surrounds us. We are living in the eye of a storm! Can we talk about it? As quiet as it's kept, sex fails to drive relationships, it is the meaning that we bring to the sex and sexuality that does not affirm and honor our highest selves that currently dominate our relationships.

Rev. Leon Bailey, a non-demoninational minister, will be a part of In Spirit, a new internet radio segment to air in November on Heart of the Matter, the Relationship Magazine on blogtalkradio, www.blogtalkradio.com/the-flow. In Spirit will be an ongoing conversation regarding relationships, religion and spirituality. In Spirit, wiil explore the profound disconnect between religion and sexuality. How did that rift come into existence and why do the issues of sex, sexuality and alternative lifestyles generate such hate, confusion, and separation.

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The current landscape of relationships is rapidly shifting and changing. There are far more challenges in society today than there were just a few decades ago. Depending upon your upbringing and your life choices, your experience of what is fitting and proper in your personal relationships can differ vastly from others. In fact, that is the cast for most people - there is no such thing as one size (or type of relationship) fits all.

Looking back to the era of the 60's when there was the Woodstock generation and ‘free love,’ people were just beginning to ‘come out of the closet’ and declare their choice for ‘alternative’ lifestyles. Those times reflected so many struggles on so many levels and to this day, there are a number of people who are still sorting out how to resolve the societal demands of these choices.

Now add to the mix the consideration of religion or it's absence and leading a spiritual life. How do these often conflicting frames of reference impact relationships and marriages of people from different religious traditions. What about people who may be agnostic or atheist? What about gay or lesbian partners and a particular faith tradition? What about transgender people and their religious affiliations and needs? Is there a consideration for these other ways of thinking in our different faith traditions? These considerations are all inside of the context of relationship and the challenge is how do we reconcile these relationships in the context of relating to our individual conceptions of God?

These and other topics are not to be shied away from, because they represent creations of God and our neighbors in this global community. We are them and they are us. In essence, we are inseparable and all related. Join us in this ongoing discussion In Spirit at www.blogtalkradio.com/the-flow.

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