Relationships: July 2007 Archives

We often see our romantic relationships in a vacuum, impacting only our own lives. However, how often do we look outside the world of our senses and ponder what do our children see and learn from us about relationships?

We all know adults in their 30's, 40's and beyond who's spirits struggle from family infidelity, desertion, domestic violence, sexual abuse and criminality. Early exposure to these kinds experiences not only influence the types of people we find ourselves coupled with, but shape concepts of love, intimacy, sexuality, and committment creating a cycle of disillusionment and even ruined lives. Maggie Scarf, in her book Intimate Worlds says "..."our childrens' lives speak our truth." I would suggest that we all look at our relationships and reflect is this "the truth" we wish to leave, that may take a lifetime for our children to resolve.

If you remember, Neo, the hero in the film “The Matrix” was given a choice by Morpheus. Choose the blue pill to remain in the illusory world of the Matrix, a world that was an elaborate simulation designed to hide it’s inhabitants from who they are. Or, choose the red pill and face reality, for the first time with life’s real challenges and ultimate successes. We all know what choice the hero made and he was consequently transformed as were those around him.

We all face a similar choice regarding our relationships. Unfortunately, too many of us choose the blue pill and opt to remain in a relationship world that is a figment of our media induced imaginations that in reality have little to do with the happiness we claim to seek. Welcome to the Matrix.

When choosing a partner, do we choose them for their life style? Or, do we choose them for who they are, and how they allow us to live in accord with our deepest desires and wishes?

Is everyone we meet cut out for a committed relationship? Are we? Are we making choices out of social convention/pressure, rather than a reflection of our readiness? Once we love ourselves, people no longer look good to us, unless they are good for us, I believe..
What's your thinking....

<strong>What's Love Got To Do With It‚has become so common a phrase that it has become a clich?©. But really, how does love fit into a relationship. Let start by trying to define love, the Oxford Dictionary's definitions of love are ‚an intense feeling of deep affection, sexual passion, sexual relations, a beloved one, a sweetheart, a form of address, a person of whom one is fond and the list goes on. Then there is to fall in love, for the love of, there's a love affair, a love child, a love feat, a love game, a love letter, a love life, a love match, seat, nest, to make love and of course, out of love. But isn't love in a new relationship the end result of a process more than the process itself?