Relationships: July 2006 Archives

Relationships affect more than just the individuals involved. When we look at many of issues affecting our communities from teen pregnancy, to the Downlow, to domestic violence, etc. The Flow believes that they can be distilled to the quality of our relationships, from our families to our relationship with ourselves. How do you think that not having the tools to have healthy relationships impacts the larger community?

Historically and socially, the subject of relationships has been viewed as a female issue with men on the emotional periphery. Women are perceived as the one who, for the most part, imbue meaning, spirit and purpose into our unions. is this, in fact, a reality? The Flow Relationships forums of the past year and our collective experiences AS MEN are evidence to the contrary. Men struggle with their relationships as much as women: are affected and influenced by the same emotional forces varying only in degree, maybe; have similar dreams, hopes and fears as their partners. This perception about men in their relationship can be additionally convoluted by media induced definitions of manhood and womanhood THAT DO NOT SERVE US. What your viewpoint? THE FLOW WANTS TO KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Relationships define who we are, how we feel about ourselves, and even our hopes and dreams for the future. For the most part, relationships or the lack thereof, define our lives. From friends and acquaintances to family to significant others, we are our relationships.

If who we are is indeed reflected in our relationships, then there are serious cracks in the facade given the current state in which we find so many. Has how we see ourselves and our relationships departed from reality? Are we trapped in a collective figment of our relationships? Are the ever abundant flawed relationships around us a reflection of our equally flawed self images? How did this come about? Is there any way out? What's your take?

In the Flow we also, talk about are you ready for a relationship. Just because you can does not mean you should. We at the Flow believe that the end of a relationship calls for healing and reflection, not a relationship merry-go-round. Relationships are experiences that allow us to grow and redefine ourselves, if we choose. What positive lessons did I learn from this experience that I can take with me is the question to be contemplated. What's your take? THE FLOW WANTS TO KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Where do our notions regarding sex and sexuality come from? In a Flow Forum at the Intimate Engagements Boutique in Mont Clair, NJ, we explored many aspects of sexuality. This dialogue was not about technique or the physical act, but about achieving a level of intimacy that allows open and honest sexual exploration. I believe that our sexual concepts come from our primary caregivers, religion, socialization and hearsay. These concepts, if we look at our histories, have not served us as self-affirming individuals or in many of our relationships. From these influences, too many of us are in a state of confusion, denial, guilt and low self-esteem. Do our definitions of man and womanhood mean sex by the numbers? Do individuals speak with their partners regarding what gives them sexual pleasure or do they just assume or, not uncommon, afraid? Is who you are based solely upon your performance or a healthy definition of yourself? Does the lack of sexual intimacy in a relationship mask other unresolved issues? THE FLOW WANTS TO KNOW!