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Just as there is no lack of variety and failure regarding diets, the same can be said about relationships. Most folks would say that the reason they embark upon a diet is to lose weight, the real reasons run the gamut, from fitting into a swimsuit to catching that someone's attention, to conforming to a concept of beauty that does not fit. Is this really about YOU, the individual? Consequently, people persue the questionable, and even the hazardous to lose weight. After a while, the list of diets attempted, with less than satisfying results reads like a Christmas list.

So too, in our quest of relationships, many persue the questionable and the hazardous, ignoring their well being. Even with the twenty-first century innovations of speed dating and the internet, the unfulfillng relationship outcomes still accumulate like disgarded diets. The FLOW advocates that the path for relationship success begins with looking inward. Fads do not change relationship dynamics.

• The Prime Relationships is with yourself: Having a healthy, loving relationship with yourself is a key to successful relationships.


• We are complete within ourselves: Relationships should enhance who we are not complete us.


• Relationships are experiences that allow us to grow and redefine ourselves, if we choose.

By looking within, we can begin to understand the real reasons for relationship dissatisfaction that may not have anything to do with the other person and take responsibility. Experts say that diets with the most lasting effects are lifestyle changes. To begin to understand why that same person keeps popping up over and over again in relationships, there must be a similar frame-of-reference change, where YOU--your emotional, spiritulal, intellectual, financial ands sexual well being comes first. Starving yourself is a sure road to the old diet heap

The FLOW wants to hear your comments. Are you on a diet or persuing a healthy frame-of-reference?

We often see our romantic relationships in a vacuum, impacting only our own lives. However, how often do we look outside the world of our senses and ponder what do our children see and learn from us about relationships?

We all know adults in their 30's, 40's and beyond who's spirits struggle from family infidelity, desertion, domestic violence, sexual abuse and criminality. Early exposure to these kinds experiences not only influence the types of people we find ourselves coupled with, but shape concepts of love, intimacy, sexuality, and committment creating a cycle of disillusionment and even ruined lives. Maggie Scarf, in her book Intimate Worlds says "..."our childrens' lives speak our truth." I would suggest that we all look at our relationships and reflect is this "the truth" we wish to leave, that may take a lifetime for our children to resolve.

If you remember, Neo, the hero in the film “The Matrix” was given a choice by Morpheus. Choose the blue pill to remain in the illusory world of the Matrix, a world that was an elaborate simulation designed to hide it’s inhabitants from who they are. Or, choose the red pill and face reality, for the first time with life’s real challenges and ultimate successes. We all know what choice the hero made and he was consequently transformed as were those around him.

We all face a similar choice regarding our relationships. Unfortunately, too many of us choose the blue pill and opt to remain in a relationship world that is a figment of our media induced imaginations that in reality have little to do with the happiness we claim to seek. Welcome to the Matrix.

When choosing a partner, do we choose them for their life style? Or, do we choose them for who they are, and how they allow us to live in accord with our deepest desires and wishes?

Is everyone we meet cut out for a committed relationship? Are we? Are we making choices out of social convention/pressure, rather than a reflection of our readiness? Once we love ourselves, people no longer look good to us, unless they are good for us, I believe..
What's your thinking....

<strong>What's Love Got To Do With It‚has become so common a phrase that it has become a clich?©. But really, how does love fit into a relationship. Let start by trying to define love, the Oxford Dictionary's definitions of love are ‚an intense feeling of deep affection, sexual passion, sexual relations, a beloved one, a sweetheart, a form of address, a person of whom one is fond and the list goes on. Then there is to fall in love, for the love of, there's a love affair, a love child, a love feat, a love game, a love letter, a love life, a love match, seat, nest, to make love and of course, out of love. But isn't love in a new relationship the end result of a process more than the process itself?

Is there an unbearable tension, between the needs of men, and the role they play in society? Are we asking men to do the impossible? Are men secretly in pain given the tension between their true needs and the mechanical path, society has paved? Are the old roles in service? Were they ever? How does this translate into their relationships?
What's your thinking.....

Is a successful relationship gauged in number of years, good sex, committment, financial security, does my partner make me feel good about myself, being married with children or a feeling of completness? I believe that success should be defined as individuals and as a couple. Can our definitions of success clash? Are they realistic? Do we even discuss with our partners what success means? In a recent panel discussion on relationship skills conducted by The FLOW, we kept coming back to the question how do we define success. Have we been sucessful in achieving the success we seek? The FLOW wants to know how you feel.

Through the years, working as a director of domestic violence shelters for women and children, and serving as a keynote speaker for policy and change, I have wittnessed the varying degrees of how, as humans, we inflict pain onto one another.
On a personal level, someone very close to me,who shares my blood, committed the unthinkable, he murdered his wife. Something like this, when you read about it in the newspaper, you shake your head in disbelief, and turn to the next page. But when something like this strikes at home, it locates a permenant place in your memory, bookmarked through the years, velcro for extra measures.

It’s when the wedding is over and the life together begins and couple begin to plan their financial life together – Is this putting the cart before the horse? Should financial life begin with the wedding or before? Financial intimacy, in my opinion, should unfold in a relationship along with emotional, inelllectual, spiritual imtimacy. Having a sense of the financial person you are in a relationship with is part on getting to know who that person is. This knowledge can also be a portend of ultimate relationship success.

Is your partner overly materialistic? What is your partners' attitude about money? What are their financial goals? How do they spend their money and on what? Are they in debt? How much? Why? Being able to openly talk about money and finance is a good indicator of the real quality of your realtionship. If this is a persistently uncomfortable topic, particularily if there are plans for a long term relationship or marriage, then there are probably other things needing reassesment as well.

I'd be interested in hearing the experiences of those in The FLOW community have had with financial intimacy??

Despite our pleasant material acquisitions/ suroundings, many people experience dissatisfaction in their relationships and their lives. As humans, our requirements cannot be fulfilled with material things alone.
And in such a pursuit, how does it impact our connections with each other?

What is the path beyond material exisitence? And how is that path in service of a deeper understanding of who we are, and the affect on our relationships?