Recently in Loving Yourself Category

If we were to strip away the effects of our upbringing, imparted religious and social values, what would we be left with? Would this be our authentic self? Is who we are not of our own choosing, but born out of our socialization?

I recently viewed the documentary film "Lost White Male." In it, a young white male finds himself on a New York City subway heading to the Coney Island section of Brooklyn, not knowing who he is, why he is on the train or where he is going. This is a true story; this man had suffered for some unknown reason complete amnesia. He had no knowledge of his past, including childhood, family, friends, occupation, not even where he lived! He eventually found someone who knew him. He had to reacquaint himself with his life, quite literally reinventing himself. Those that had known him said that he was the "same man" but a "different person", a person with less edge, more emotionally forthcoming, more honest.

Through the years, working as a director of domestic violence shelters for women and children, and serving as a keynote speaker for policy and change, I have wittnessed the varying degrees of how, as humans, we inflict pain onto one another.
On a personal level, someone very close to me,who shares my blood, committed the unthinkable, he murdered his wife. Something like this, when you read about it in the newspaper, you shake your head in disbelief, and turn to the next page. But when something like this strikes at home, it locates a permenant place in your memory, bookmarked through the years, velcro for extra measures.

"With whom should the prime relationship be?"

The different beliefs regarding the “Prime Relationship” as discussed at various Forums range from being with God to being one with oneself. We’ve also discussed the theory that in order for us to effectively love someone and try to have a satisfying/fulfilling relationship we must have the same with ourselves.

In reading The Zahir, a novel of obsession by Paulo Coelho whose previous book was The Alchemist Mr. Coelho states:

“If someone is capable of loving their partner without restrictions, unconditionally, then they are manifesting the love of God. If the love of God becomes manifest, you will love your neighbor. If you love your neighbor, you will love yourself. If you love yourself, then everything returns to its proper place.”

What are your thoughts?
Do we need to reveal our love of God before we can truly love ourselves??

At Flow Forums, we talk about how the media often defines our relationship expectations, what the person has as opposed to who a person is. We tend to focus upon the externals. How do you think this may affect a relationship?

We at the Flow advocate that in looking for Mr/Mrs Right that we must first look within. This speaks to knowing yourself and your real motivations which consequently affect relationship choices. How important is knowing who you are in establishing a successful relationship. What's your opinion?

In the last Flow Forum at the Intimate Engagements the question was posed… Do we know who we are? Is there a core self that never changes? Or, is knowing oneself a process of ongoing self examination and discovery. Roy, of The Flow says that he knows who he is. But is that merely knowing you like the color red, blueberry waffles, action movies and fast cars? Marc believes that knowing yourself is a journey, not a destination. He feels that who he was last year =, last month and even yesterday is not who I am today. The Flow advocates that in looking for Mr/Mrs Right, first look within. This speaks to knowing yourself and your real motivations which consequently affect our relationship choices. Whether you think of yourself as a static entity, like Roy or as ever evolving, knowing and loving yourself is one of the keys to successful relationships! What’s you take? THE FLOW WANTS TO KNOW…

Our relationship with ourselves is the prime relationship. How do we get there?