Since 2005, The FLOW(For Love Of The World)has presented a unique dialogue with topics such as "Why Men Fear Love & Committment"; "Sex, Religion & Spirituality"; " Are You Ready For a Relationship?"; etc. The FLOW was developed by Angelo Hunt, Roy Frank and Marc Collins to promote a constructive dialogue between men and women regarding relationships. Flow forums provide a venue where fundamental relationship issues are discussed that go beyond "baby momma drama" so prevalent in the media. Most recently, The FLOW has aired Heart of the Matter, The Relationship Magazine on Blogtalk Internet Radio

• The Prime Relationship is with yourself! Having a healthy, loving relationship with yourself is a key to successful relationships.
• We are complete within ourselves. Relationships should enhance who we are not complete us.
• Relationships are experiences that allow us to grow and redefine ourselves, if we choose.
• We are responsible for our choices and consequently our relationship outcomes.

From the dialogue initiated by three men, The FLOW has evolved into a process, an exploration, an interchange of ideas and feelings regarding relationship fundamentals. In The FLOW we seek to go beyond the assumptions, traditions, gender roles, and socially defined frames of reference that get in the way of meaningful relationships.

What is The FLOW? Check Us Out!

Sex and its relationship to a meaningful spiritual life is a topic largely ignored, greatly disparaged by organized religion, and largely misrepresented in the media and society. Nonetheless, this disconnection is a burning issue that exists just below the surface of our consciousness, confronting us all, whether religious, spiritual, or unbeliever.

We live in a society where we are bombarded by sex and, unfortunately, religion has failed to put sexuality in any useful context (outside of marriage and procreation), while our communities and societies are ravaged by AIDS, unwanted pregnancies and widespread sexual abuse and dysfunction. The media has taken the sexual disconnect created by religion and has made it a psychologically loaded abstraction and absurdity. Sexuality has been reduced to body parts and sexual acts.

The tragedy of this is that many apply these media induced frames of reference to their lives and relationships which has resulted in the sexual pathology that surrounds us. We are living in the eye of a storm! Can we talk about it? As quiet as it's kept, sex fails to drive relationships, it is the meaning that we bring to the sex and sexuality that does not affirm and honor our highest selves that currently dominate our relationships.

The disconnect between sex and spirituality had its beginnings in the Greek philosophy which has heavily influenced early Christian thought and continues to this day. In the book, Sexuality and the Black Church", author Kelly Brown Douglas says:

...Christianity gradually became influenced by the aspect of Greek thought that denigrated the body and fostered a profound split between the body and the spirit." She goes on to say that in Greek philosophy, "...the body [was] the home of the irrational passions of man." "Sex was viewed as corrupt when it emerged from passion."

We are sexual beings. This is an acknowledged fact from the cradle to the grave. This is whether we are abstinent, celibate or sexually active. Our sexuality is an expression of our humanity. Sex and sexuality, I believe, was not created to be as an albatross, a trap, or an impediment to spiritual growth. How ignoble a concept of The Creator does this foster? This is man creating God in his own image with all of man's prejudices and irrationalities. Ms Douglas explains:

Spirituality concerns a person's connection to God and, thus, inevitably involves her or his sexuality. "...sexuality is that fundamental dimension of human beings that governs intimate, sensual, affective, emotional, and sexual relationships. Human sexuality and spirituality are inextricably linked because involve a person's relationship to God"

We live in a society where our humanity has been relegated to strictly defined compartments causing too many to lead lives of desperation struggling to fit in. Reconciling the sexual/spiritual divide, discovering the sexual "you" is part of the human development process, a realization of who we are as a unique individuals made in the image and likeness of the Creator. Ms. Douglas again comments:

"Human sexuality is what provides men and women with the capacity to enter into relationships with others. Sexuality is the dimension of humanity that urges relationship. Sexuality is a gift from God that, if properly appreciated, helps women and men to become more fully human by entering relationships. Sexuality thus expresses God's intention that we find our authentic humanness in relationship."

Some discover their sexual selves and are empowered by it, many, due to the religious/social stigma placed upon sex, drown in a sea a shame, guilt and spiritual, infirimity, even within the confines of marriage or a committed relationship. The FLOW has explored this issue at the 2007 Harlem Book Fair with the panel discussion "Sex, Religion and Spirituality" and at the 2008 Harlem Book Fair with Sexuality: Is It Who You Are or What You Do?

This dialogue must continue. Join us. Please share your opinions or send The FLOW email at flow4theworld@comcast.net.

That is what women are asking themselves when Valentines Day rolls around. We are very preoccupied with, is our man going to remember to get us something for Valentines Day? Or what is our man going to give us for Valentines Day? We put a lot of stock in that day as the day for our boyfriends, fianc?©s or husbands to prove that he loves us and how much he loves us.

Now, it is perfectly OK for women to be excited about getting a gift on Valentines Day. Gifts are wonderful. But let’s not get confused, gifts don’t mean that a man loves you. I dated a man for 7 years and he gave me gifts, we went on vacations, and he treated me to many diners. I DID NOT FEEL LOVED ONE DAY. How a man treats you determines his love for you. We need to stop putting so much pressure on our man to get us gifts as a reflection of their love for us. We need to stop getting mad when our man forgets Valentines Day. It is just a day.

Over the course of my adult years I had many female friends who when they got a man stopped calling me, stopped hanging out with me or when we did get together, their man had to accompany them. Sometimes I want to just have girl time. There are things that I want to share with my girlfriends that I don’t want her man to hear.

Women like this use their single girlfriends for their convenience. And they don’t think that we see the bullshit. You know how they do, when she is mad at her man, all of a sudden she can call you, the single girlfriend, to spend time with you. One of my girlfriends from college and I eat out for lunch together, go to step shows, parties, and just hang out on campus doing nothing.

When she got married I noticed that the calls were fewer and fewer. I was only being invited to baby showers, baby parties, christenings, and family functions. But when I would call her to go to a play, dinner, or a womens retreat she was busy. There were times where this girlfriend would call me and say, “hey girl, let’s hook up for lunch or dinner, just me and you, I haven’t seen you in a while.” I would accept, get really excited and when I got there, it was a bitch session for her to talk about all of the f----d up shit going on in her marriage. So I started to realize that she was using me as a sounding board when her relationship was in the toilet.

The FLOW welcomes the students of Kean University (Union, NJ) and William Paterson
University (Wayne, NJ).

The FLOW invites you explore this site and share your thoughts regarding the various topics here
with The FlOW online community! It is our intent to open you to new relationship possibilities.

Among themselves, Angelo Hunt, Marc Collins and Roy Frank have racked up two divorces and a legal separation, and one even delivered the hurtful news to a waiting bride - two weeks before the wedding - that their nuptials had to be called off.

"She didn't take it very well. It was hard for me also. I got very depressed," said Hunt, who had one ex-wife when he dissolved the aforementioned engagement two years ago.

Frank's divorce was a year old at the time, a hole that was just beginning to close. And Collins' marriage was drifting into the danger zone.

Wanting to unload that sack of sadness, throw off the dead weight of failure in love and matrimony, the longtime friends said, they found themselves becoming more emotionally available to each other. In their get-togethers and phone chats, they began a rolling conversation about hardships of the heart and how they might fare better the next time around.

Extending this exercise beyond their small circle, last summer they launched a traveling seminar, "For the Love of the World," in which Hunt, 52, Collins, 49, and Frank, 53, steer a public dialogue aimed at persuading aspiring mates to talk and listen, listen and talk before leaping into long-term commitment.

In the heat of hunting for Mr. Right or Mrs. Right, they counsel, figure out the level of true compatibility with that person you fear is your last romantic possibility. Ask tough questions about whether two people belong together.

"We've been socialized with these concepts of love, intimacy, that have no bearing on reality," said Collins, a network engineer from Columbia, Md., in the ninth month of separation from his wife of 18 years.

"Most of my relationships," Hunt said, "have been closed-eyes propositions. Like beating a pi?±ata and when it bursts open, saying, 'Yes, that's exactly what I wanted.'"

"We're not always clear about our motivations," said Collins, who is Frank's cousin. "I might say I'm looking for happiness and intimacy, when, really, I'm just looking for my mama."

Hunt, Frank and Collins have dubbed this show The FLOW, in shorthand, and taken their common-sense approach to romance to venues ranging from radio stations in Washington, D.C., to living rooms on Long Island. Their topics: "What Is Love?," "Man Sharing," "Are You Ready for a Relationship?," "When to Pull the Plug" and, on a level far less salacious than the oversimplified title implies, they said, "Why Men Cheat."

They've built a Web site, www.buildandmaintain.com. This month, they are on the calendars of New York City's Human Resources Administration, where they will engage members of that staff. In July, they will be panelists at the Harlem Book Fair.

It's not that Hunt, Frank and Collins approach love and romance as experts on these subjects. Consider this from Frank, a sales and marketing guy from Clifton Park, N.J.: "I don't know what love is maybe. I do know that, to an extent, men in relationships feel they cannot be in love with someone unless there is sexual intimacy - but I'm not saying that's right."

"We don't agree on everything here," Collins said, interjecting and tweaking. "Love is not sex, and it is not possession of another person, either. Love should set you free. But with most people I see, love is a constricting, confining force."

None of them has been an exemplar of marital/relational perfection. But what they have, they said, is a willingness to examine why they hooked up with women who looked the part (whatever that means) and didn't live up to it. And, on the flip side, how they might have short-changed those women.

As part of their on-the-job training, they do read the personals to gauge what seems to matter most these days. The single person's wish list carries requirements for income, height, weight, extroversion, introversion and a range of other personal characteristics.

"You must have all your teeth, wear shoes, be educated, be well-traveled, charming, no baby-mama drama. You must know how to treat a woman. And there's nothing wrong with that...," Hunt said. "But people engage in relationships as though it's all hocus-pocus. What are the goals of that relationship? Is it supposed to be monogamous? Does it culminate in marriage? Are there any goals?"

Clearerheaded now, the men said, they believe the pursuit of Mr. Right and Mrs. Right might cool its heels some. It should be motivated by something more than "I'm getting older and I don't want to be alone," Frank said. "Because of what we've gone through, we know this is true."