In The FLOW: February 2007 Archives

That is what women are asking themselves when Valentines Day rolls around. We are very preoccupied with, is our man going to remember to get us something for Valentines Day? Or what is our man going to give us for Valentines Day? We put a lot of stock in that day as the day for our boyfriends, fianc?©s or husbands to prove that he loves us and how much he loves us.

Now, it is perfectly OK for women to be excited about getting a gift on Valentines Day. Gifts are wonderful. But let’s not get confused, gifts don’t mean that a man loves you. I dated a man for 7 years and he gave me gifts, we went on vacations, and he treated me to many diners. I DID NOT FEEL LOVED ONE DAY. How a man treats you determines his love for you. We need to stop putting so much pressure on our man to get us gifts as a reflection of their love for us. We need to stop getting mad when our man forgets Valentines Day. It is just a day.

Over the course of my adult years I had many female friends who when they got a man stopped calling me, stopped hanging out with me or when we did get together, their man had to accompany them. Sometimes I want to just have girl time. There are things that I want to share with my girlfriends that I don’t want her man to hear.

Women like this use their single girlfriends for their convenience. And they don’t think that we see the bullshit. You know how they do, when she is mad at her man, all of a sudden she can call you, the single girlfriend, to spend time with you. One of my girlfriends from college and I eat out for lunch together, go to step shows, parties, and just hang out on campus doing nothing.

When she got married I noticed that the calls were fewer and fewer. I was only being invited to baby showers, baby parties, christenings, and family functions. But when I would call her to go to a play, dinner, or a womens retreat she was busy. There were times where this girlfriend would call me and say, “hey girl, let’s hook up for lunch or dinner, just me and you, I haven’t seen you in a while.” I would accept, get really excited and when I got there, it was a bitch session for her to talk about all of the f----d up shit going on in her marriage. So I started to realize that she was using me as a sounding board when her relationship was in the toilet.