When To Give IT Up?: Sex in a New Relationship
Join The FLOW and FLOW panelists, Deborah Cofer author of If He's "Hooked on P_ _ _ _ " Buy him a cat...: The Spiritual Rules for Dating, Relating, and Mating! Robert Gardner, author of The Choices We Make on Heart of the Matter, the Relationships Magazine on Sunday, December 6th at 6PM.
In our rush into a relationship, too many believe that sex is the gateway to intimacy and miss the opportunity to develop a real friendship, the starting point of healthy relationships. Have we been duped into believing that sex is the pathway to true love or is it? Do our expectations regarding sex get in the way of really getting to know the other person or is it all self gratification?
Sex in a new relationship is really about how we define ourselves and what behaviors we bring into relationships. These behaviors can be the result of upbringing, religious beliefs, cultural traditions, and past experiences, neither of which authentically define who we are, and impede meaningfulness and real intimacy.
When to Give it Up is an important conversation regarding the underlying reasoning behind our behaviors that fail to take us were WE SAY we wish to go in our relationships. So, the question is not only When To Give It UP but Why Are You Giving It UP? Are we both the victims and perpetrators of a faulty frame of reference.
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That little "ditty' sounds like the book "The Rules"!
Stop using sex as a tool!
Stop the "games"! And please STOP feeding into society's "construct"!
does sound a lot like 'the rules' but everybody is playing games these days. It's not a good thing but it's what dating has come too unfortunately.
I think the question of "when" would not be debated or questioned by two "adult thinking" individuals who understand that the true fondation of 'FRIENDSHIP' is essential to a meaningful relationship. There is so much that can happen that if "sex" was the foundation of the relationship, would make it very fragile. One must ask, if the "love talk" is taken away, would there be meaningful conversation. The "sex"lasts for a few minutes (let's be real)and there are so many more hours in the day; the friendship/genuine caring lasts for a lifetime..now that's the real turn-on!.
I think the question of "when" would not be debated or questioned by two "adult thinking" individuals who understand that the true fondation of 'FRIENDSHIP' is essential to a meaningful relationship. There is so much that can happen if "sex" was the foundation of the relationship, that would make it very fragile. One must ask, if the "love talk" is taken away, would there be meaningful conversation. The "sex"lasts for a few minutes (let's be real)and there are so many more hours in the day; the friendship/genuine caring lasts for a lifetime..now that's the real turn-on!.