DEBORA M. RICKS is the author of Love Addicted: One Woman's Spiritual Journey Through Emotional Dependency,

a candid, thought provoking account of how her compulsive search for love--driven by a hunger for a father's love and a deep fear of being alone--ultimately leads to a spiritual awakening. A speaker, editor, and attorney, DeBora is committed to inspiring individuals to live lives of authenticity, power, and purpose.

She has more than ten years experience representing, advising and counseling abused and battered women. She currently works in a therapeutic residential drug treatment center assisting clients with their legal issues. DeBora makes her home in Baltimore, Maryland where she is at work on her second book.

DeBora was one of the panelist on The FLOW relationship panel Sins of the Father: How Fathers Impact Daughters Relationships held January 17th in Baltimore, Maryland. DeBora was quite outspoken about how her past with her father is still present in her relationships and her continuing struggle maintain perspective.

Our relationships do not exist in a vacuum. David Richo in his book When the Past is Present says

"we can appreciate the impact of the past and see how it influences present behavior but does not excuse it." "The work is to see the influence rather than let it remain unconscious. Then we can make new choices that reflect our adult responsibility."

Father's and mother's impact on their childrens relationships is too often an unresolved past that terrorizes the present of their children and/or dependents. DeBorah's book powerfully speaks to this difficult journey borne by many of us. This discussion will continue. This is a topic that The FLOW will revisit at a New York City event in March and a later event in Newark, New Jersey.

by Roslyn Rogers Collins

We came....
By the millions On planes and buses and trains
From all directions and corners
Faraway places and neighborhoods
The seasoned and the innocent
Draped in furs
Wrapped in blankets
Making our sojourn into history
Long strides, standing shoulder to shoulder
All on one accord
To see, to feel, to revel.

We came....
Each with our own story
To witness for ourselves and others
Hands that never waved a flag
Lips that never sang "My country tis of Thee, sweet land of liberty"
Eyes that never thought they would see
Hearts that never thought they should care
Chilled bodies warmed by soaring spirits

We came....
In peace as global eyes gazed on America
With our varied textures and tones, tongues and theologies
To honor dreams To embrace seasons of change
To savor moments of hope
To believe together
That perhaps it really is possible
To have one nation under God...
That all men and women are created equal...
That the broad stripes and bright stars might indeed include us all.

We came...
To glimpse you, mosaic man, fashioned for such a time as this
To share with you our tears of joy,
To pray your protection, wisdom and strength
To stand together, on your behalf, on our behalf
To celebrate a turning in the pages of time
On the wings of souls who lived and died for this very day.

We came and we are here In quest of possibilities once unimaginable but now within reach

We are here Collectively excited by this time in our lives.

We are here Standing in the sunlight, poised on a democracy of inclusion, and stepping into tomorrows.

Copyright January 23. 2009

The Obama Presidency not only presents new possibilities for governance with integrity, but with an outwardly cohesive, affectionate, African American couple and family, what impact will the Obama's have on family and relationships?

Please share your comments with The FLOW community or send an email to flow4theworld@comcast.net

Sex and its relationship to a meaningful spiritual life is a topic largely ignored, greatly disparaged by organized religion, and largely misrepresented in the media and society. Nonetheless, this disconnection is a burning issue that exists just below the surface of our consciousness, confronting us all, whether religious, spiritual, or unbeliever.

We live in a society where we are bombarded by sex and, unfortunately, religion has failed to put sexuality in any useful context (outside of marriage and procreation), while our communities and societies are ravaged by AIDS, unwanted pregnancies and widespread sexual abuse and dysfunction. The media has taken the sexual disconnect created by religion and has made it a psychologically loaded abstraction and absurdity. Sexuality has been reduced to body parts and sexual acts.

The tragedy of this is that many apply these media induced frames of reference to their lives and relationships which has resulted in the sexual pathology that surrounds us. We are living in the eye of a storm! Can we talk about it? As quiet as it's kept, sex fails to drive relationships, it is the meaning that we bring to the sex and sexuality that does not affirm and honor our highest selves that currently dominate our relationships.

The disconnect between sex and spirituality had its beginnings in the Greek philosophy which has heavily influenced early Christian thought and continues to this day. In the book, Sexuality and the Black Church", author Kelly Brown Douglas says:

...Christianity gradually became influenced by the aspect of Greek thought that denigrated the body and fostered a profound split between the body and the spirit." She goes on to say that in Greek philosophy, "...the body [was] the home of the irrational passions of man." "Sex was viewed as corrupt when it emerged from passion."

We are sexual beings. This is an acknowledged fact from the cradle to the grave. This is whether we are abstinent, celibate or sexually active. Our sexuality is an expression of our humanity. Sex and sexuality, I believe, was not created to be as an albatross, a trap, or an impediment to spiritual growth. How ignoble a concept of The Creator does this foster? This is man creating God in his own image with all of man's prejudices and irrationalities. Ms Douglas explains:

Spirituality concerns a person's connection to God and, thus, inevitably involves her or his sexuality. "...sexuality is that fundamental dimension of human beings that governs intimate, sensual, affective, emotional, and sexual relationships. Human sexuality and spirituality are inextricably linked because involve a person's relationship to God"

We live in a society where our humanity has been relegated to strictly defined compartments causing too many to lead lives of desperation struggling to fit in. Reconciling the sexual/spiritual divide, discovering the sexual "you" is part of the human development process, a realization of who we are as a unique individuals made in the image and likeness of the Creator. Ms. Douglas again comments:

"Human sexuality is what provides men and women with the capacity to enter into relationships with others. Sexuality is the dimension of humanity that urges relationship. Sexuality is a gift from God that, if properly appreciated, helps women and men to become more fully human by entering relationships. Sexuality thus expresses God's intention that we find our authentic humanness in relationship."

Some discover their sexual selves and are empowered by it, many, due to the religious/social stigma placed upon sex, drown in a sea a shame, guilt and spiritual, infirimity, even within the confines of marriage or a committed relationship. The FLOW has explored this issue at the 2007 Harlem Book Fair with the panel discussion "Sex, Religion and Spirituality" and at the 2008 Harlem Book Fair with Sexuality: Is It Who You Are or What You Do?

This dialogue must continue. Join us. Please share your opinions or send The FLOW email at flow4theworld@comcast.net.