Our capacity for healthy partnering has much to do with how do we come to terms with archaic messages and directives that playout in our heads and lives over and over again, robbing us of the ability to be in healthy communion with ourselves and others. Who we are, apart from our history and asigned script is where our true nature awaits us. We have become more an adaptation which is really the echo and not the voice.

The beginning of self enlargement begins with the death unto the old, or we die living calcified lives. Resisting the many deaths within,that life deamands of us, we resist the path into a larger self. The archaic self continues to be an impediment to the lives we truly desire. The ego will resist an overthrow and will fight for our spiritual demise,as we carryout the role of double agent with the intimate enemy within. As we try to avoid the kryptonite and moments of ambuguity in our lives, we risk growth over security. We must learn to recognize when we are holding onto the past, particularly the limiting past, grudges, injuries and past wounds to prevent them from dominating our present, giving life to the intimate enemy witihn.

I certainly agree with the focus of this article. In working with couples and individuals who are seeking understanding about their relationships/intimate partner relationships, I tell them it is either "Repeate or Repair". Change is an "inside job", and we must understand where we have been, in order to not go there again...or at least not to stay as long as one historically may have. Family of origin issues must be explored as the parental relationship was the first model of a relationship, and an intimate partner relationship in particular that one experiences. It matters little if the parents were together or not, the influence is there ( as reflected for example in the impact of "absent fathers/mothers").
This is my first visit to this site and I have found it to be thought provoking. I appreciate the dialogues. I will be a frequent visitor.

Intriging insight! I agree that the past is in the past. We must agree to move forward and let the healing begin. Healing is most important. If we are not healed, we stand to loose more than just a relationship. A little bit of ourselves is lost in every relationship that does not work out, because of so much baggage. We must forgive and love ourselves, even though we messed up. Forgiveness is a very powerful tool.

Interesting, we often say that the past is the past yet at times "the past is always present" via our unconscious and concious projections and transference. Yet we must forgive, love, take risks and move-on. Healing is continuous and we should always remember a basic math concept that "in a series of plusses and minuses all units are cumulative"

Forgiveness is more a spiritual internal mechanism, for an individual to move forward despite the condition of their relationship with another. Sometimes, connections can prove to be toxic, and waiting for someone to arrive to a point of accepting responsibility, may never come, depending on how they arrive to a sense of self.

Some of us, clumsily travel through life, unaware of how and what we say and do impact others around us, a rather unconscious approach, demanding that others, support an ego existence, which leaves very little room for their self examination. Spiritual and emotional maturartion is a conscious process. No matter what anyone does, you decide to take a path, that will promote your higher existence, resolved or not with another. To the degree you have self love,the better you are able to contribute to your relationships in a more conscious and healthy fashion, taking responsibility,for those lower egoic GI movements.

Relationships driven by commerce, often requires one, to tolerate and accept, what one would not under other circumstances. Strength is in the knowledge of understanding the social dynamics that drive these involuntary connections and parties involved, watching them unfold, and using them as life’s lessons, which otherwise, we would terminate. However, keeping focused on the higher goal, you move forward while learning lessons of the human condition that promotes your growth, spiritually and emotionally.

As we gain more sophistication psychologically, we understand why people do what they do, as we grow spiritually, there's no point commenting on it. You just watch, and augment you empathy, and understand that the past is always present in each and every one of us, and that we all contribute to the assets and liabilities in all of our relationship, though some more to one side of the equation, than the other, everyone’s on their unique journey.