January 2008 Archives

The American Psychiatic Association describes Domestic violence as "control by one partner over another in a dating, marital or live-in relationship." Abuse is not an accident. It does not happen because someone was stressed-out, drinking, using drugs, repressed or discriminated against.  It is not an example of love gone amuck, as often characterized, but the absence of love and respect.  The abuser has constructed a reality where their needs dominate relationships.  Abusers have learned to satisfy this distorted sense of self through their abuse and feel justified in it's use whether physical, sexual, emotional, or psychological.

In the book "Why Does He Do That? Inside the Mind of Angry and Controlling Men, the author, Lundy Bancoft says that there is a "degree of consciousness that goes into [an abusers] cruel and controlling actions," as opposed to the common perception that abusers are out of control.  Mr. Bancroft goes on to say that most times the abusers "value system is unhealthy, not their psychology."  It is their values that inform their behavior.

On February, 17^th at the Hueman Book store in Harlem, New York from 3 - 5 pm, The FLOW will explore love and intimacy vs. power and control in abusive relationships and how extreme definitions become nails in the coffin of healthy relationships. Please join The Flow panel discussion:

Love Should Not Hurt: Violence in Relationships

Love & Intimacy vs. Power & Control