Respecting our journeys
The reality of life is change. Relationships as well as the individuals involved are constantly evolving. What we thought was so at the outset can seem not to be so, a day, a month or years later, even if it's only our own perceptions.
Too often, we point an accusing finger at our partner, for not being or being what they once were. And consequently, their actions are labled right or wrong. We often forget that to arrive at where we are, is the result of a not always straight line. This does not mean acceptance or enduring an unfulfiling relationship, but understanding that there is an ongoing process of individual development occuring regardless of the outcome.
We tend to devalue our experiences, particularily if they do not conform to story book endings. However, if we can look at these experiences, without malice, I believe we will find a lesson that needed to be learned.
Paul Coelho, in his book, The Zahin, A Novel of Obsession states "all you have to do is pay attention; lessons always arrive when you are ready, and if you can read the signs, you will learn everything you need to know in order to take the next step." But, many prefer to ignor the lessons and opt to wear hurt and sorrow, like a warm blanket, for the attention it garners.
In my eighteen years of marriage, though I experienced much unhappiness and even dispair, that experience made me who I am today. And, what came out of that was a contributing factor in the creation of The FLOW and a quest for the truth in my experiences. So, in retrospect, can I really characterize that experience as "bad."
Angelo, Roy and I, call our past failed relationships transformative because by looking within , we saw ourselves and our partners in a new light. Through our individual and collective introspection we learned to celebrate our relationships as part of the journey of life and not in the narrow societal definitions of what I got out of it. By respecting our journeys, we can begin to step out of our individual agendas and see the humanity of us all.
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Beautifully stated. So, there is no such thing as a "failed" relationship. I believe that coming to this understanding is very important part of the healing process.
Marc I agree with you. There are many lessons we are supposed to learn when we are in relationships and in life itself. It is up to us to embrace these lessons and learn from them and make changes when necessary. But on the other hand it is the changes that normally cause problems, because no matter how necessary change can be very uncomfortable. Although we know the outcome of change may be very positive, it is the process and transformation we have to go through that will cause us to remain stagnant.