To Be or Not to Be (That REALLY is the Question) -- The focus with so many of us is ‘How can we get what we want’ but it really should be ‘How you can be what you want to get’. This way the focus is not so much the other individual but on how we can be attractive to the one we are trying to attract. And this is not about physical appearance (which is a very small part of the big picture) but mostly about emotional and spiritual appearance. People are so narrowly focused: ‘I want’ this and ‘I want’ that. But the real issue is you need *to be* who you want. If you want someone who is loving, caring, spiritual, etc., etc., then you have *to be* that to attract who you are looking for. Because that person you are looking for…. he/she is looking for the same thing too!

Before you can "be" who you seek, you must know who you "be"! Roy believes that you know who you are and that's it! I believe that first, we must peel away all the layers of social conditioning to understand what you dont' "be", before you can begin knowing who you "be" This is an evolutionary process that takes many of us from just a bundle of proteins to one-celled organism and beyond... You choices, based upon who you "be", will dictate who you be with, an amoeba or a fully evolved person. The narrow focus you mention, in my opinion, is from people not knowing who they "be", they just think they do.

Myths and illusion continue to surround our concept of our perfect mate or loving marital relationship. Life changes and people change with it. Each of us must recognize that the other is an imperfect human being, and learn what is realistic to expect. In my opinion the Man or Woman of your dream does not exist. When we first meet someone we are excited, it's new, fun and it feel great. We all have these expectation and illusions of him or her which in reality is a dream itself.

I don't believe its the reality of meeting your dream man or woman as one author stated find a mature love. "To simplify the matter, love can be sorted into two categories; mature and immature love. Mature relationships are full of energy. You Find the time to do almost everything you want to do." When you have a mature lover you enjoy each other, but you allow the spirit of compromise and a sense of humor to permeate you relationship. You want to please each other.

In an immature relationship one partner repeatedly asks, "Do you love me? Do you really love me?" In some cases immature love will blossom into rewarding and lasting mature love. So this so call dream man or woman may start out mature and become angry and hostile. It is important to know that a mature relationship is always a work in progress. Sex and love are important, but not as important as having a partner who appreciates you and can be trusted. A healthy relationship is two people who are committed to each other's growth over a lifetime.

Loving anyone involves elements of intellect, emotion, and activity. Loving you partner means more than pleasure of just being together. It involves active concern for each other's emotional, physical, and material needs.

The process of an healthy relationships includes great risk. We let other know us when we speak honestly of our feelings. Vulnerability accompanies self disclosure. The process of mature healthy love includes periods of indifference and animosity. Therefore, since love cannot sustain the same intensity over time, there is a need for two people to work together to get through the difficult times that will inevitably arise. In a healthy relationship you both can come to terms with occasional boundary violation without throwing your partner away or diminishing yourself in some way.

In conclusion to have and handle a healthy relationship one must have communication, trust, intimacy, and openness to change, among other things, and this will hold any worthwhile relationship together. So can you handle that?

To what degree that you can handle anything really depends upon your frame of refernece. Communication, trust, intimacy, etc have a completely different meaning to me now than at the beginning of my previous marriage of 18 years ago. What you can handle depends upon who you are at that moment.

. The Prime Relationship
Am I looking for someone to complete ME?

I believe trying to complete someone has too many drawbacks. You can inadvertantly become a crutch that causes debilitating affects when removed.
It is better to see if you and another compliment one another. Then provide the one you care for the tools towards the completion of themselves.

2. Getting to know someone
Or is it all about YOU?

Some people are find it hard to open up yet are always a steady ear.

Some people prefer to overly cater or be submissive. There exists relationships that thrive in this disproportionate manner.

3. Relationship Dictionary
Do you mean what I mean?

Miscommunication is a major reason why things start off cheery and end dreary.

My question is, "Do you mean what you say?" Most of the women I encounter believe they have to play Ms. Goody2shoes Neverdida dudedirty. I tell them up front that I'll accept your flaws as long as you admit them and work to better yourself. Nevertheless, I've been hearing the same statement-"I didn't think a guy like you would accept those types of things."

4. male/female roles
Is it real or Memorex?

Some people don't even know who they truly are let alone the roles they should and do play.

5. Redefining relationships
Does the Emperor have new clothes?

Redefining,reinventing, renovation, and form of positive change is extremely healthy in a relationship.