September 2006 Archives

A Relationship Dialogue

Presented by Theresa and The Flow

9/30/06
5pm – 10pm
Newark, New Jersey
(973) 445-8852

The Man or Woman of Your Dreams
Can You Handle It!

Agenda

1. The Prime Relationship – Am I looking for someone to complete ME?
2. Getting to know someone – Or is it all about YOU?
3. Relationship Dictionary – Do you mean what I mean?
4. male/female roles – Is it real or Memorex?
5. Redefining relationships – Does the Emperor have new clothes?

Chameleon

With me you love to romance
with her you take a chance
mistress or missus
which one am I
questioning your dangerous dance

Will you go or will you stay
easily led astray
a fool on love
torn in half
hearts broken day after day

When I’m sad color me blue
If I’m glad paint me too
orange-kissed sunshine
watermelon brightness
emotional mix-ups taint my hue

Myla Jones–2002

From the "Mo" Blues Collection:

It's Simple

Why do you take things to the level that you do?
You are always trying to fit the wrong shoe!
You take a small thing I say and turn it into a mountain
You keep spewing out remarks, like a dog gone fountain!

You're too deep, baby
You take it too far, sugar
You pull it apart, honey
When it's simple
My love is simple!

The Ninth Wonder

You’re a wonder, Black man
as I watch you
entranced
by your color
your mind
your physique

How unique
you are
a treasure
by far
of nature’s best
packaged just for a Queen

The author is unknown, this was recently emailed to me. What do you think? Is there any truth in this? The Flow wants to know!

THE TOP TEN REASONS YOU ((DON'T)) HAVE A MAN

The 10 Acknowledgements

(Message to the "dating" black woman)

1. First Impressions-Attitude-From how you see the world to your physical demeanor when around brothas, your attitude, words, and mannerisms will either attract, or keep brothas from even approaching you.

2. Looks- Sista, despite what the world i.e., this culture/society says the great majority of black men do NOT want a Kate Moss bulimic body type. There are many of us who want a woman who has some 'meat' on her bones. Excessive make-up, hair extensions, fake nails, eyes and other things that DON'T extenuate your NATURAL beauty are unnecessary in many of our eyes, since sistas are naturally beautiful in the first place. However there is a difference between phat and fat and at the very least for health reasons, sistas should be concerned about diet and exercise. Heart disease, high blood pressure, cancer and other preventable diseases and death are no joke and affect sistas at much higher rates than other women.

My Poetry My Words

I’ve got my poetry and my words
when understanding is fleeting
and in your shoes no one can stand
when heartbreak is so resounding
people can hear you coming before the train
my poetry my words
become a therapeutic massage soothing
while the pain is oozing onto ink-stained pages
or is that my mascara from my tearful stages
refusing to stop although I promised not
to cry anymore with
my poetry my words?
Too old for this melancholy I am
with no one to blame no one to damn
not innocence
not youth
nor being new to the game
this time both I’s
–wide open–
walked we

My God I Loved You So

Beautiful memories of you and I
never releasing or letting go
we created such lasting images
my God how I loved you so

Walking through parks at midnight
sharing intimate thoughts and plans
thinking it would last forever
never giving in to time’s demands

Then one day you said we were no longer
that I was solo now
saying you would still love me forever
all I wondered was, how?

How could you capture someone’s heart,
then allow it to roam so freely?
How could you build such intimacy and trust
and just like that release me?

Miss Trust

Trust is a big word
–huge even–
it contains the beginning of truth
yet it ends in rust
leading me to wonder if all that is not false
will eventually
corrode

Once upon a time I trusted in a man
who abused my trust my innocence
my powerlessness my overall need to rely
on him
he touched what was private
something belonging only to me
then he denied the whole matter
calling it a mistake–simply

Are you looking for "love" and can never seem to find it? Do you find your self in relationships where you don't receive the "love" you give. Are you or have you been in relationhsips where you fear being left alone? Do you feel that you "need" to be in a relationship? Do you lose your sense of self when you are in a relationship? You may be a Love Addict. Pia Mellody, in her book "Facing Love Addiction" characterizes the behavioral symptoms of a Love Addict:

1. Love Addicts assign a disproportionate amount of time, attention and
"value above themselves" to the person to Whom they are addicted,
and this focus often has an obsessive quality about it.

2. Love Addicts have unealistic expectations for unconditional positive regard
from the other person in the relationship.

3. Love Addicts neglect to care for or value themselves while they are in a
relationship.

Sexually Me

They say loving sex makes you a whore
They say loving sex makes you a whore
I say loving sex just makes you a sexy lover
Sexually speaking is what this poem is really about
Because there is no doubt that I love sexxxx
If that statement makes me a whore
Then I say I’ll wear that fucking label
Because I come from a line of women
Who were forced to use their sexuality
In order to become and remain free
From the virgins in Africa who wanted to be bride of some rich king
To escape a life of poverty
To my ancestors who sexed the master’s during slavery
In order to keep together their families

Sojourner Truth uttered those famous words as a declaration of her humanity and womanhood during a women’s suffrage convention in 1851. As I look around, seeing the way many women dress, the short skirts, tight pants, the protruding breasts. I wonder, is this today’s definition of womanhood? I am because of physiology? Is bodily exposure a measure of femininity or does a double D cup make you more an example of womanhood than a B cup?

Our definitions of woman and manhood, for that matter, are formed initially by our caregivers, and then augmented by social influences, which unfortunately, for the most part, hinder many of our relationships and how we determine who we really are. It is important to recognize this societal imprint and become conscious of it.

Who defines you, your man, your children, a group of men on Madison Avenue , a rap video? Are you what you wear or what you do? Where do these current aberrations of womanhood come from? I’m sure, what I see around me is initially not a woman’s concept, but a concept deeply imprinted upon women. Now, don’t get me wrong, I definitely can appreciate a beautiful, well put together woman. And, having been a breast fed baby, I DO have a certain fascination for that part of the female anatomy. But, a woman is more than her body parts, and ultimately my attraction is more than skin deep.