What is the Downlow?

Yes, unfortunately when the term or phrase down low is mentioned images of a black man comes to most BLACK PEOPLES minds. And for the record, most down low men don’t love heterosexuality by day or by night. And they don’t lust after homosexuality they act on it. But getting back to the point. Most BLACK MEN think that the down low is a stigma that has been pinned on them. White folks in my experience don’t have a clue what in the world the down low is. I did a documentary called Project WOW: A Looking Into The Lives Of Men On The Down Low, and truthfully, most whites have never heard of the phrase, DOWN LOW. This is only in our minds as black people mainly because of the fact that JK King, the author of Life On The Down Low, appeared on Oprah. I feel that many of us took him talking on Oprah about his down low life style personally and blames him for letting out our dirty laundry. Bottom line, men who sleep with men come in all races, ages and sizes.

To answer your question, what is the down low? It is not just about infidelity, it is simply a person who is hiding something about themselves from a person or persons. It could be an affair, drug addiction, gambling addiction, age, marriage, sexual orientation, alcoholism, a disease, and the list goes on. You all get the picture. So, it doesn‚Äôt really have anything to do only with sexual exploits behind someone‚Äôs back. We use it today as a slang term to mean, men having sex with men without there wives, fianc?©s, or girlfriends knowing. We use slang all of the time in the country as a short cut when speaking so as to save time, to make things sound more exciting or for impact. And I don‚Äôt think that there is anything wrong with it. But I expect people to think independently when ever they read, see or hear anything and not let others drag them around by their brain.

No, this is not new! And yes, it happens with women too. But let’s look at women for a moment. From the beginning of time this country has accepted two women having sex with each other. For example, in so called heterosexual porn, you will always see two women come together while they are having sex with a man. Now you tell me, isn’t that a homosexual act? Of course it is. But this male dominated misogynistic society, totally accepts it and has always accepted it. We also know that women pose together in Playboy and Penthouse in sexually explicit positions with each other. We also see women in music videos, girls gone wild videos and strip clubs, kissing, rubbing on each other, and performing oral sex on each other. So, that is why nobody is going to give the down low a second thought when it comes to women. It has been going on and it is acceptable. Why, because it satisfies men’s sick fantasies so that makes it OK.

No, it is not true that the down low is causing black women to contract HIV/AIDS at an alarming rate. In my documentary, Project WOW, Dr. Robert Johnson, the foremost authority on HIV/AIDS from the University Of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey stated that the down low is not the main factor. Not wearing a condom is. Translation, WEAR A CONDOM. For those women who say but I am married, why should I have to wear one? I say, if you suspect that your husband is cheating on you, reintroduce condoms into the relationship until you have resolved the issue. Now, if he says, “why do you want me to where a condom, you don’t trust me?” You should say, “correct, I don’t trust you, period!” Now, for those more secure women with high self esteem, I say if you detect infidelity, just leave that fool. I advise that we, us women, should stop giving men blind trust and turning our bodies over to them on a silver platter. Actually, my view is nobody should have blind trust for anyone. It is not realistic, it is not healthy, and it is just some sort of fantasy that should be saved for children’s books, wise tales, fables, and cartoons.

No, an outside homosexual relationship is no more egregious than a heterosexual one. Yes, the shock and fear of the Down low does engender a result of the homophobia of this patriarchal society. But it should not. That is why I am so glad that this topic is on our agenda. The more we discuss it, the more gays fight for the right to marry and have partner health care, walls of hate will start to disappear. But I am sure I will be long dead before this happens. But, it is a start.

The down low is down low because these men know that they will in fact be stigmatized. They will be called faggots, the church will turn their back on them, their families will ostracize them, and many lose their jobs when the truth is found out. So they stay down low, in the closet, and undercover about their sexual life.

Well, I feel that people, just as blacks did in the civil right struggle, should not allow this society to alienate them. All groups have the right to be treated equally. So if I were a man who liked to sleep with both men and women I would make this society accept me by first accepting myself. Meaning, tell your partner about your sexuality, stand up for who you are, and screw people if they don’t like it. Acceptance is just what is implies, ACCEPT! It does not mean you must like or understand the person. But respect is about acceptance. And everybody has the right to command it. DON’T LET SOCIETIES INDICTMENT OF YOU CAUSE YOU TO INDICT YOURSELF!

Lisa Durden, Talk Show Host/Executive Producer of
“PROJECT WOW: A Look Into The Lives Of Men On The Down Low.”
Check out a clip on www.Lisadurden.com