Flow Focus Group Questions

"Not Just A Man Thang"
I think that men as well as women are driven by the physcial attractiveness of the opposite sex. Women as well as men are driven by the sexual aspect of a relationship in certain circumstances. Being a woman I know this to be true. We r so drawn to the man because he "rocks our world". Some of us try to hold on to this "situation" knowing that this person is not a potential long term partner, but the sex is soooo good. Instead of accepting it for what it is, we try to make it something it will never be. I also think that for both, it depends on where u r in ur life physically, emotionally,and in wisdom/experiences. Some women have learned to like/love themselves and who they r sexually, regardless of our culturally conditioniong that make some of us carry ourselves so "tight". And the soooo good sex, we know that is all it is!!!
With regards to the commitment issue, I think many women don't want commitment in certain circumstances either. As women mature emotionally, they tend to think with their heads and not with their emotions. What I mean by that is we are able to put in perspective the potential of a relationship for just sex or for the long run. And as many men do, women are learning to detach emotionally. As harsh as that may sound, it's very real. I don't think it's just a man thang. I think as humans we need to hold ourselves accountable for our own issues and behavior. I believe that there are still good men and good women out there for each other who want to be in committed relationships. Maturity/experience for some bring a totally different attitude towards relationships. You become less tolerant of certain behaviors, u immediately wonder is it worth the work, how does this person fit into my world and I into theirs, how does this person compliment me and I them. Sometimes I think we just need to let it "flow" and be committed to just treating each other with common courtesy, be considerate, be thoughtful and think about someone other than our ego selves. We can't just put all this on the men, as women we are responsible too! And as human beings we need to talk/communicate more openingly.

One of the things that came out of our recent focus group was that men are not listening and women are afraid to speak for fear of scaring the man away. How do we get beyond this impasse.

Fear. So many of us, men and women, want a loving relationship so badly that we allow fear to guide us and fail to trust and have faith in ourselves and in love. If you truly have an appreciation and love for self, you will have no fear and being open and honest in your relationship will be like breathing fresh air. Whether or not you choose to be emotionally committed or not, be honest and call it what it is. Take your time and get to know a person and don't confuse what feels like love with the real thing. I agree with Corletha, it's "not just a male thang." We all need to improve our communication skills. What do women want from men? The same thing they need to provide to men, openness and honesty.

"Communication" has become another painful cliche in the patheon of relationship jargon that gives more heat than light. I hear men and women saying "you just have to talk", " you just have to talk." But, in my opinion, "just talking" is the problem. Communication is more than "just talking."

Real communication requires a common language, "you mean what I mean"; emotional availability, uncommon for most men, and a transparency again, uncommon for most men as well as women. We are not socialized to be otherwise, the collateral damage of living in a patricarchal society. Where do we start? We begin at the beginning, with ourselves.

Mathew Kelly, in his book, The Seven Levels of Intimacy says, "... we are afraid to reveal ourselves because of the possibility of rejection, it is only by revealing ourselves that we will ever open the possibility of truely being loved." Communication is openness, self-revelation, talking is only a door that must be opened fully to really communicate.

When does dating end and a relationship begin???

dating begin with a special someone..if you both click and enjoy each other company.. you are attracted to each other.. you enjoy each other conversation. and you feel comforable with each other..you share your emotions spiritually,

...nevertheless, the woman has the power to take over the control of the her emotions.. in order to continual the dating relation.. she must not move into his space right away...or give into his desires of passion..

Easy easiness, the woman has the whole control(power) of what takes place next... to continual the dating scene or to end it...??? it is up to her.. she has the power to say no...she can says,,
lets us wait until we can completely share our desires openly and we can communicate our feeling deeper..where we can try to understand each other... in a deeper emotionually, spiritually, and intellectually levels...she has the power and control to move him to the next level in their dating relationship...working thing together..

moving on and taking it to the next level.. whether is getting to know each other better... or jumping into the bed and/or having a sexually relationship, which might and could end the dating experince...

in order to remain in a smooth dating relationship level it takes honestity and alot of truth . in both parties,, loving and liking yourself and this new person in your life its takes alot of time and patience..it like buying a new house..it need time, just a lot of time together...sharing good times and enjoying each other as much as possible...the beginning to a beautiful thing in life,, two people loving each other , perhaps the possiblitiy of a finding your soul mate ...that what dating can lead to...a loving relationship...because the women have alot of power, she is very powerful ..why,,because he wants her.....and she is beautiful in mind and heart....